im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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