Jerry, you need to find god
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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