I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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