I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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