Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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