a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
