1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize