We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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