Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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