tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
tell me about the eggs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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