Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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