i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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