Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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