I love black thongs
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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