HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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