it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
