Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
