Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
