Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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