I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
