dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
