I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
