she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
