I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
