her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
