I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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