2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is her dick bigger than yours?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
