Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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