Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
