My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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