a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
