i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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