we have pet lesbian snakes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
