I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
