Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
