drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
