plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
