i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
