tell your sister to shave her snatch
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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