he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
