I have demons in me.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize