she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
