just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
