At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
