if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
