8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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