Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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