Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
