you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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