i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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