If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm passing your future prison.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
