...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
