I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
