The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
