i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize