Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize