I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
