we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
