My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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