When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
